I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
