Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
