totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
