thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
