I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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