the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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