I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
