If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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