the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
