bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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