Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i will never coherently bang her
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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