you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Randomize
