I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
