last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
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