Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
