yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
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Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
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ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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