you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
