I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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