Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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