I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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