Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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