wakey wakey hands off snakey
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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