My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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