I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize