drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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