What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
