look no pants
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
tell me about the eggs
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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