also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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