"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
