The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
