It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
