the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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