why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
