My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
