Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
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