once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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