so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
