if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
whose parrot is this?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
