I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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