Plan B is the new Plan A
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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