she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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