It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
