Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
