woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
