did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
