I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
