Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
