he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
she peed on how many people?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
