Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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