What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
