she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
