Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
