where am i from again
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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