its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
My vagina just recognized that song.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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