Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize