This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
