Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
