Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
