just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
i think i just lost a toe
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
