I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
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during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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