I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
