We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
