Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
