oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
ugly people sure do ruin things
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I stole a fireplace last night.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Come on in and take your pants off
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