You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
