Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
