well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
