Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
