So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
