I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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