The maid of honor just puked.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
