You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
