She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You don't make any sense
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