Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
