I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize