the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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