My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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