stop calling my apartment porn island.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
