U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I just want nice things and good sex
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
