1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Come share oat with me in your robe
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
