OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
