I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
