just come out here and I will go home with you...
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
