Just fell off a train. Bad.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
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