if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
